A woman realises her chaperone is not female whilst she is half-exposed - left distraught and unable to attend a subsequent smear test

I attended a Clinic appointment in my local hospital.

The clinic appointment was very important, I have complex medical problems and I had not been able to physically see this Consultant since 2019 due to the pandemic. Time during the consultation was precious and I had lots of things to cover.

I entered the room, sat down, and met my male Consultant. I have known him for ten years. He is very professional and I feel very comfortable around him.
He listened to my symptoms/concerns.

He then asked me to go behind a curtain where there was an examination couch. He asked me to remove the clothing on the top half of my body but to keep my bra on. He asked me to put a gown on which is supposed to do up at the back but is impossible to do on ones own and tends to flap about a bit. He said he was going to get a chaperone, pulled the curtain so I had some privacy to change. He left the room to get a chaperone.

While he was out of the room I changed into the gown as instructed and laid down on the couch.

When my doctor re-entered the room he was followed by a nurse who was wearing a dress. This has happened to me every time I have seen this consultant. He has always been extremely professional and has always ensured a chaperone was present for the physical examination.

The doctor asked the nurse for their name, as best practice says it needs to be in the notes. The nurse gave their name. I wasn't really focusing on their exchange as I would have had to twist my neck to see them and that is difficult for me due to mobility problems.

The doctor did pause and say 'right' slowly after the nurse gave their name. I didn't think anything of it at the time.

The doctor then came and asked if he could examine me. I agreed. The nurse was behind me and was not in full view. The doctor got me to lay flat, looked at my neck. He them got me to sit forward and listen to my chest and heart. At this point my gown flapped open and my bra and abdomen and back were exposed. It was at this point that I was in a physical position to see that the nurse in the room who was there for the purposes of being a female chaperone, was infact a 'trans" woman. Whilst I cannot be 100% certain of this, I am 99.9% certain that I was the only biological female in the room.

I suddenly felt awkward and a bit stunned. I felt I wanted to say something but equally I thought, "I can't say anything. It's got to be accepted now, in these times. If I say something then I will be called a bigot. What if it affects my medical care?" These thoughts were racing through my mind. I felt caught out.

My gut instinct was that it wasn't right. It caught me off guard and then I lost my thoughts and focus about my consultation with the doctor.

The physical examination ended. The doctor said that I could get dressed. The nurse half pulled the curtain round and I thought that they had left, but as I was in-between taking my gown off and putting my t-shirt back on they were giving me an unnecessary look. It felt strange.

I got dressed. The nurse left the room and I finished discussing the medical plan with the doctor. I left the consultantion room. I am unsure whether the doctor was aware that the nurse was trans and I now know that had he asked the nurse, it would have been a disciplinary offence.

I left the room and as I left I felt more and more violated. I felt decieved. As the hours passed, my feeling in my gut was "that wasn't right." The feeling of violation and deception grew further but I felt limited in what I could say because if I were to speak out I might be deemed a bigot, judged and have my extremely complex medical problems dealt with differently.

In an attempt to gather more information I phoned the hospital PALS team. I asked about their female chaperone policy as regards to gender and sex.
I said that I was doing some research into same sex based care and just wanted a general overview. I didn't feel that I could make a complaint.

A few days later they emailed me their chaperoning policy which essentially says that while being sensitive to the patients wishes, a chaperone will be offered on the basis as the same GENDER as the patient identifies as. Biological sex isn't even mentioned.

The email goes on to include....Following liaising with the Head of Equality, Diversity and Inclusion, we can advise the following; "Staff will be used as chaperones according to their gender they identify as. "Staff will not share their trans status with patients nor would it be appropriate for any colleague either to share the trans status of another colleague with a patient or visitor as this would be a breach of confidential information, transphobic and constitute misconduct leading to disciplinary action."

The email goes on to say how it is inclusive, has a diverse workforce and represents all communities which provides better patients care.

I was completely shocked by this.

Their policy states that it would be transphobic of me to ask what biological sex someone was who was going to be my female chaperone.

What makes me so frustrated at this situation is simple.

My Dr is a professional. He assessed the situation to need a female chaperone to protect me as a patient, but also him from false allegations. Yet the person who was in that room acting as a chaperone was male. I was the only biological female in the room. My needs were not met as I did not have the required female chaperone and the doctor needs were not met as the chaperone was not female.

What makes this worse for me is that I was a part of the medical team at this hospital for 15 years. I was trained as a nurse there. I was taught that respect and dignity is of absolute paramount importance to a patient, as they are in hospital, likely feeling vulnerable and in an unfamiliar environment with unfamiliar people.
Whenever I approached a patient I would always be polite, introduce myself by saying "hello, I'm ********, I'm one of the nurses and I'm working with Dr X today. Is it Ok if I'm here while he examines you?"

It is vital to be polite, state your name, state your position and why you are there. It is also vital to gain consent.

At no point did the nurse introduce themselves. At no point did they ask consent to be there. At no point did I feel like their presence in the room was anything other than to stand and watch. Had I been feeling vulnerable, no reassurance was given and I had a learing look when I was getting dressed.

What I object to most is the deception. It was half way through the examination that I noted them to be a biological male. I was shocked and taken aback.
Had they introduced themselves at the start, as I used to, then we could have had a discussion. I could have made an informed choice about who was there.
It's the deception that bothers me and lingers. Then to be told by PALS that if I had politely and gently asked if she was trans I would be deemed transphobic, when all I want to know is if it's a man or woman who is my chaperone.

Had this been an internal or intimate examination and I had found out half way through the examination that my chaperone was a biological male, then I would have reacted very differently. I would have been extremely distressed and I would have felt assaulted. I cannot imagine what I would have done if that had been the case.

When I got home, my feelings of deception grew. It led me to cancel my smear test that I had planned for the following day and now I am very apprehensive as I have been referred to gynaecology and am worried about being chaperoned during an examination. I might just not go. I would rather neglect my health, avoid cervical cancer screening than experience something like this again.

The hospital supports the feelings of it's staff over it's patients. I have no family to advocate for me and I truly did not know where to turn for help. I have always avoided social media because of the negativity that surrounds it, but in my desperation I joined X, formally Twitter and found help at Caring about Dignity.

I have many more stories to tell. I have stories from being a registered nurse and I have stories from being a patient. Perhaps stories is the wrong word, experiences is a better word because once you live through these experiences you don't forget them.

What amazes me about this situation is that this hospital had a prolific paedophile working there. He was a paediatrician who was examining young boys, unchaperoned and filming and abusing them, hence the chaperone policy was doubled down on when I was working there at the time. So it makes no sense why they would allow patients to be chaperoned by staff who are not the same sex.
Safeguarding has gone out of the window to accommodate an ideology, which many people disagree with, but will clearly be accused of misconduct if they speak up as staff. If you are a patient and you speak up you will be considered transphobic.

I would like it noted that I am grateful to the NHS for the care that they have given me. I have been an inpatient many times and have had care given to me by males, although not intimate care. I have also had many Echos, an ultrasound of the heart done by males where my chest is partially exposed. The difference in that situation is that I was aware that they were male and there was no deception and they also asked consent.